I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize