the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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