I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
