She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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