and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
