Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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