two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
