he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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