So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
