The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
