He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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