if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
