Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
