At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
