That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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