wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
