Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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