ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
