Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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