New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
