On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
