in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
