dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
