It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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