What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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