I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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