I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
