she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
