I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
