remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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