My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
