Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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