thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
