He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
