how hairy? two words: wookie tits
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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