6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
