sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
