And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize