The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
