dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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