dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize