He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize