I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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