i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
