we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
