he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
