im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
