You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
where am i from again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
