my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I pour the whiskey from now on
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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