He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Randomize
