I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
