Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
