I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
