Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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