Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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