So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
