The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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