grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
