i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
