paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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