Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
