I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
