Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize