You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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