Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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