If i come over, it means nothing
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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