Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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