at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
