I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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