So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
