You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
