well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
