there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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