You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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