She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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