she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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