the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
