she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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