u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
