If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
