I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
