im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
