you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
