I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize