Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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