Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
